Nonsense.

It's finally autumn. I'm anticipating falling leaves, sweaters, staying warm, and things to come. It's my favourite season after all.

I never really know what to say. Words are kind of like fireflies. Some light up just right and you'll never forget them. Some are a flash you try to remember forever. Others you can't see in the night, simply overlooked in the moment. But when you put them together in the right moment, your heart fills up and everything is alright. But when jumbled and in the light, overanalyzed, they're nothing more than the sum of their parts. And insignificant body. Words are only as wonderful as the sum of their parts. You can take one firefly in a jar and keep it in the dark, your prized possession. Your favourite phrase. The phrase that pays. But if you release it into the night, you'll never be disappointed.

Did that make any sense?

One Two Three.

Not in any specific order, here are the things that have been going on in my life and or circulating my though processes the last few days;

Last Sunday, the future, Moon Over Buffalo, footsteps, racing hearts, dark nights, making memories, what you said, boy, you, her, him, tests, cats, the fifties, cute songs, writing, growing old, falling in love, Homecoming, goals, victories, spiders, broken bones, the realm of possibility, the moon, laced fingers, winter, making amends, seashells, ice, time limits, expanding horizons, underwater friends, speaking in lyrics, leaving something to be remembered by, saltine crackers, what a kiss means, and what you think.

Forming didn't seem appropriate for my state of mind. I sure hope this as much of a jumbled mess as it seems it would appear.

It's the simple things that mean the most, after all,

right?

Eyelashes.

How many eyelashes do you have to wish on before something comes true? Do dandelion wishes come true? Wishes on stars or at 11:11 or at 12:34? Or wishes when you hold your breath when you drive through a tunnel? Can things ever really go perfectly as you'd like them to? How far can you get on a wish, anyways? When do things go right?

I'm just so anxious to see if I've got a shot at anything these days. To to see if the universe wants to give me a chance to get wherever it is I want to go. But I'm never sure where that is. It's a strange feeling. Uncertainty. It's about as comforting when you walk to the shore and hear fish singing in the sea. Kind of bewildering, but fascinating.

Is it bad to hope things go wrong for someone else so you can fix it? So they can realize you've been there the whole time? Sometimes waiting isn't so bad. Anticipation makes everything a little more worth while, after all.

...Right?

"When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend."

The City's Your Playground.

Yeahyeah. 

I can't figure out why I worry so much. It's like a disease. Nothing seems to get easier or go away and I can't seem to wrap my head around it. Like, this is life. And being only sixteen, it shouldn't be so bad, right? I don't know what my deal is. When you're old, isn't this called anxiety? Ewh.

But thus far in the school year, things have started to change already. Some people are distancing, and I'm getting closer with some people, which is good. It's good to know who you're important to. It's a good feeling. However, when some people can't seem to even work up the nerve to care? That's kind of hard. But I guess that's growing up. New people are intimidating. Some are nice, some are judgmental, but I guess that's how people are. People I haven't seen for a while put knots in my stomach, as well as ones I've never met before. It's a good thing, but I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Because generally, I tend to be pretty invisible. Which can be a good. Nobody wants to stick out like a sore thumb, in a bad way. Everyone wants to get noticed in a good way, right?

Putting some people behind you is easier than you think, but some people showing up again, that might not be so great sometimes. Ex's and oh's, right? 

It's almost autumn! Good things should be on the way. If not, oh well.

Fingers crossed, of course.

You Know What To Do.

I'm a little overwhelmed and a little bit crazy. I don't want to talk about it. I can't get games on my graphing calculator and I didn't get into Sign Language at the community college. Whatever. I'm done with stupid Pinnochio boys who lie and people who don't believe in me and people who treat me like crap. I'm trying to get what I want, and I don't want anyone standing in the way of me and my goals. Is that selfish? I don't know. I can't really process thoughts well right now. Sorry.